Rummaging through my suitcase of journals, I came across this little sweetheart…
This diary belongs to Denise Donnelly
If lost please return to:
153 Fox Chase Drive
461-6418
Delran N.J. 08075
Thank You!!
Christmas, 1984
Dear Diary,
Today is Christmas. We are playing with Brian’s Turbo Boost. I got a lot of good things for Christmas, including you and I love you! Bob gave me you!
December 26th, 1984
Dear Diary,
It’s the day after Christmas (Hanukkah for the Jews). [?!] Yesterday, excuse me, night, I got new earrings from my Aunt Elaine and they’re so pretty. They have Genuine diamonds! [Note: with a capital "G"!] We’re going to my Aunt Emily’s house in about 15 min. It’s probably going to be boring! Michelle, my friend, got a real cool jogging suit. It’s black and says the word “Jump” on it in pink.
December 27th, 1984
Dear Diary,
We haven’t gotten our Christmas presents from John Paul yet. Mom says we’ll get them Friday. We got 5 new fish yesterday.
December 28th, 1984
Brian! Stop looking at this. It is not made for you! You sneaky little shit!
December 29th, 1984
Come on Bri! I’m begging you! I don’t want you to read this! Please! Don’t go any further? [Did you, Bri?]
December 30th, 1984
We didn’t get John Paul’s presents yet and it’s a week after Christmas. You see, 1st of all, Aunt Ellen’s house got robbed and 2nd of all, her father died. That is why we haven’t gotten them. Dayna gave me earrings. [OMG! WTF?!]
New Year’s Day, 1985
Dear Diary,
It’s New Year’s Day and I still didn’t get Michelle and Dayna their Christmas presents. Also, we haven’t gotten John Paul’s presents yet. [Yes, complete with bold underlines. Sorry cuz, but apparently at the age of twelve, gifts from you were way more crucial to me than the death of your maternal grandfather and the violation/invasion of your family home!]
Brian! I warned you once and I’m warning you again. STOP LOOKING IN MY DIARY! [Yes, in all caps] Now don’t you dare go any farther!!!!!!! [I counted. Seven exclamation points... written emphatically by my trusty #2 pencil.]
[Then in blue ink pen...] Bri, I’m pleading!!
January 165th, 1985 [Neatly crossed out mistake]
Dear Diary,
3 of our fish died, including our very 1st one, Dwane. Everyone loved him and misses him. I’m sorry I haven’t written in so long but I’ve been very busy. From Aunt Ellen I got a GREEN flourescent top! [Can you detect the horror?] I think Dwane died from fright because Rex, a fish we don’t like, always chases the other fish. I’m sorry I’m leaving tears on your pages, Diary, I’m just so upset. Sike. I hope Max doesn’t die.
[Aunt Ellen, if ever you read this, insert my apology here]
January 22, 1985
Dear Diary,
I sware [I eventually learn to spell], I am so mad! Everyone is mocking me! First, Mrs. Costa goes, “You’re not the cocky little brat like you used to be.” then my mom says my attitude needs working on. Man, I’m getting pissed! Now Jason says Tim likes me. Then I got mocking because I skated with Pat. Then I got cursed off because I didn’t skate with a scum with greasy hair. SOME PEOPLE!
[I swear, you can't make up shit this good.]
January 25, 1985
Dear Diary,
I like a lot of people. They are Todd, Tony, Dougie Wougie [!], Ross and Kevin [Note: not my brother] a little bit. Todd is a total BABE!
P.S. I love [heart] Dougie Wougie
January 31, 1985
Dear Diary,
I stayed after school today and I took the chair away from Doug’s girlfriend, Kim, as a joke and she told Todd that I like him. Then this girl Chasity told him all this stuff, so I told her to tell him she was only kidding and she said, “For 50 cents.” So I said I’d bring it tomorrow so she said okay and she told him. Well, Karen knows the whole story ’cause she was there and when I told her, she said that Chasity didn’t tell Todd anything. but my question is why did she say she was only kidding if she didn’t say anything?
Yours,
Denise [Even more staggering than the psychobabble above is that I actually signed off on it.]
